this blog is dead
William Killed Himself on... | 1:42 AM |

guys im back...

sorry...but im really at a loss for words...because there is too much things for me to say... im really going crazy... i flunked yet another test even though i studied hard and tried my best... odds are im gonna fail my modules.. cant really comphrehend why... shuldnt have got into this course...i got no real friends there.. i feel so lonely... all friends went to the other poly...this poly is just so dull and lifeless.... its no wonder i skipped so many classes...i nearly got debarred from exam... i hate myself for being such a failure... i dunno how am i gonna survive another 3 yrs there... life really sucks... if only i had gone 2 greener pastures..

i once thought im strong emotionally... but realised after all this while i am but weak inside...life is just so lonely and quiet after the people closest to me left 1 by 1... there is no 1 i could talk to...no 1 to share my moments of happiness and sadness together... just why? why am i so weak? why cant i smile like before? God.. tell me why..

[[im sorry that i hurt you...
there's so many things i wish to say to you
but its so hard..
so hard to live life without you
im sorry that i once asked you to do something
that even i now cant accomplish..
its not that i dont want to let you go
its because i have to stick to my promise...
that i will be ur guardian angel
no matter what happens..
i will always be here by your side
but now u feel so suffocated...
i will let you go...
and just standby and watch
but promise me u must be happy....]]

i wish for you to be happy
just wanna remain as mutual friends wif you
justlikebefore...
William Killed Himself on... | 6:55 AM |

Hi guys,
sorry haha... im rather busy nowadays..or very busy....

got to do 3 projects plus some crap tests and quizzes.... coupled together with my cardio-ing schedule....such is the life of a bodybuilder... zzz..

finally i can find some breather, now got the time to blog. but im sick, my clsmate jaslyn passed it to me yesterday... guess that is why they say when ya sick shouldnt go to school...

sorry.. think my post today kinda sucked... that's wad happens when u are not feeling good..no worries.. im better now..did some push ups and made myself sweat... was supposed to run 3.5km today..but i think i will save it for tml... planning to run to punggol station from my hse...

alright.. will blog again tml..today...juz no mood...

byes....

[ glad that u are happy like once before..]
[ im happy that u got reliable frends now...]
[ cant nag at you right now, but if u reading this, remb to take ur med and avoid junk foood...take bittergourd.. and it can improve salivation and your throat..]
[ take care of yourself.. esp on ur way home..]
[all the best]
William Killed Himself on... | 7:09 AM |

hi guys,

surprised to see me back here after so long huh? but nvm, i dun think any1 really bothers about this blog now, since it's like dead. Though its kinda funny, when i had the eminem template before this. PPL thought i was eminem, how crazy that sounds.

But let's get back to things. Much has happened during these few months of my absence. And i really do mean much. i will touch on those in the near coming future, not now. All i can say i have experienced moments of unforgettable happiness and joy in my life, as well as the most painful moments and memories, set to leave me scars for the rest of my life. i truly hate what i did, and i hate myself for that moment of folly, making me lose the very happiness and joy which i truly appreciate and love. i doubt they will return, though everyday i hoped in despondency that they will return, somehow things will turn for the better.......

okay, anyway, i'm now studyin in nyp sports and wellness management, for those who dunno. damn, i wonder if i ever got into the wrong course, but heck, i hate the business side of things. perhaps i wasnt made to count $$. but in any case, i feel so lonely even after going to poly. juz couldnt click on wif my class, i dunno why. Its a huge contrast compared to when im wif my sec sch mates. hell, its fun being wif them, i really missed and loved their company. guess they really know and appreciate the person im really am, unlike poly, so fucking boring.

maybe im racist, maybe im a introvert ( i doubt ) , or we juz cant click.

damn, i got to go study for my accounts. screw it.

signing off,
Mr Noob

[ i will never forget the time we spent together]
[but i will also never forget the hurt i did to you]
[ i will never forgive myself, and the guilt will stick onto me 4ever...]
[not unless u forgive me and let go of things..]
[ cos i really wish for you to be happy...]
[ i hate myself..]
William Killed Himself on... | 7:15 AM |

hi y'all, mates, sorry for the long delay. i have already found some time in updating my blog, haha, just in case y'all thought my blog is dead again. it has already been quite some time since the Os and i'm currently holding a part time job. man it sucks. serious. i get to see the greedy and ugly side of singaporeans, and more importantly, the dull working life in s'pore. its' no wonder people chose to migrate when they have the chance. in the past, i often thought that they are softies. but i think i'm kinda wrong now. singapore is fucking boring place. period. to be honest, i missed school. not because of the teachers, the homework or the fuckheaded principal, but its of the fun i had during my schooling days. argh, the sweet memories..when i get to meet my friends everyday, slack and crap at the back of the class. such a carefree life...haha. only worries? how to find excuses for not doing homework and vandalising the school without getting caught. even if u do, they will just send ya for counselling, or probably detention. lolx. those carefree days. now, im out of my comfort zone, under the thumb of my superiors, who dont give a fuck about ur well-being or any other thing, save for $$$$. adults are really boring people man. i hate serving people, especially singaporeans. serve with a smile? fuck that. i would probably kill with a smile. for the past few weeks ive been working like shit, sometimes till 11 pm, reaching home past midnight and waking up at 6 plus the next morning to go to some weird locations. damn that agency consultant. all of my friends were duped by her honeyed words,' the location allocated will be the closest to your house.' FUCK UP THAT SHIT LA. i went to jurong, bedok and what tanjong katong, when i live in hougang? moreover my permanent workplace now is in tampines. a 1hr bus journey ride. argue with her? maybe she will shit in her mouth and say that location is still the most closest 1 they could find to your address. moral of this story? dont ever put too much trust into people's words when you are outside. things arent so sweet like in school. okay, maybe im a wussy, maybe not, since around half of the initial applicants have already quited halfway through the job. And i'm 1 of the most earliest starters for this job. i guess its pretty obvious why people quit this job.

1st- not enough pay. other friends are doing a more confortable job at a higher pay
2nd- constantly at the mercy of the shop keeper and the public.
3rd- its a job which is physically demanding( not a problem for me) , and time-consuming ( a big problem for me.)
4th- hearing the same cny songs the whole time can drive you crazy
5th- lack of time for me to interact with my loved ones

well, thats the 5 reasons..if there's a job with a better lobang, i would definitely take it. From the accounts i have taken from my fellow colleauges, none of them liked this job. or probably with the intention to quit soon.

but then again, if there's no better job opportunities, i guess i will have to stick with this job. other than that i hope this shit will end soon.

if u still have schooling days left, better appreciate them. cos outside life is really boring.


signing off,
drfreeman
William Killed Himself on... | 9:47 AM |

hello there everyone, its been two weeks since i updated...hope u guys are still doing fine eh?

And like always, time is constantly on the move, and i left panting after it.

My fear is that before i could fully enjoyed my holidays, it would be long gone...well, life's like this right? i sometimes really wondered why people tend to take things for granted, and then only come to regret and sorrow when they lost the things which seemed so dear to them? things come , things go, people come, people go. That's part and parcel of life. I'm many of you out there experienced before the pain of losing someone, be it broken relationships, or death. And yeah, the death of your loved ones is certainly painful, or in some cases, undescriptive. For those of you who do not really know me, i have already gone through this pain 4 times. 3 of them are of my grandparents, and one belongs to my closest cousin. Yeah, at that point of time, i remembered i questioned and hated God, for he allowed my cousin's death to take place. Maybe during that time i was completely distraughted and still a little bit immature. But yeah, at least it made me a stronger and more matured teenager. Death and seperation is part of life. I'm not trying to sound morbid, but i just want you readers to know( if there's any ) that life is full of changes, as well as up and downs. Though there are times we need grit our teeth and bite the bullet, but let's learn to appreciate life. For example, your usage of computers. I'm pretty sure the most of you come from developed countries, yeah? So why not let's appreciate the fact that we more than sufficient food and clothing wheareas people from third world countries are starving or freezing from the cold? We have only one life, dont make it bitter, make it full of cheerful memories and experiences, so that when you dying on your deathbed, at least you can smile over the fact that you did not waste this very precious life of yours. In short, be optimistic, just like the guy in the movie 'castaway'. Hell, he lived on that deserted island for 4 years, talking to a ball as his imaginery friend. But one day a plastic flat cubicle wall arrived on the shore, and he used it as a sail in his boat to return home. i admired his courage, and more for his determination to survive. And this is what he said,' i just know i have to keep breathing, because somewhere out there i know there's a glimmer of hope. Even when i'm faced with setbacks, i struggled on, because i know the sun will still rise tomorrow. And who knows what will the waves bring one day?' Haha, thats the point....be optimistic and cherish each other in life.

And as for one of my friends, i certainly hoped you did enjoyed yourself on the day before when we were together, haha, though i admit there's a shortage of topics for me to talk about. You are heartbroken now, but dont forget there will always be a brighter day. Don't have to find fault with yourself, there's no right nor wrong. Nor do you own him anything. Perhaps there's no medicine to clear your sorrows or heal your scars, or maybe i can't even solve ur problems today, but at least you can lean on me now :)

God bless y'all.

Drfreeman signing out on 15 december at 04:05am
William Killed Himself on... | 11:16 AM |

oh yea, how ya guys doing eh? haha, its been a wk plus since the Os. and i muz say life is boring, esp when u get bored of the games ya playing haha. I HAVE TO GET A GOOD COM! haha, no, no xbox360, pc beats the crap out of it. but anyway, lets get back on track. today i shall only post about the prom night, and my sentosa outing! ok nvm la, haha, enjoy!

=29 dec=
oh yea, nice tue haha. hm...didnt getta buy prom night suits with friends on the day b4....but nvm, i will dress as MJ and shock everybody. nah jk, anyway, i borrowed pants from my dad. good gracious, its so loose! and did i mentioned tt i was fasting? yea, so even it's kinda worse. hahaha, lost 3 kg in 3 days. that means 1 kg in 1 day. hahahha, drank lots of of milo to help me past my days. and sleep. k, i chose my own shirt, and my dad's jacket...looks ok...for prom...jeeze, i dun have a scanner, if not ya can see me in my prom nite suit :P oh yea, the venue itself was a lil cool, at the entrance...hahahha! up at the balllroom, well..not so grand...i thought more effort could be put in to improve the decorations...haha. before we enter, my friends and i tried 2 sneak into the st nicholas girls' prom. ( their's was held at the same hotel and same time, just different levels.) but alamak! we got caught by the hotel attendent! ($#)%#. he was like,' nonono, u holy innocents' 1 right? nonono, cannot go here, go the other way.'anyway...hmm..at prom, the food kinda sux, and wads more, i was asked 2 perform! hahha, if i let u see the video clip, i bet u will laugh like shit. hahha, muz wobble legs and do some funny actions. but nvm, i won a puny wallet and a useless watch wif a fake magnet. aiyos, cheap skate sia. kaoz man, the lucky draw's 1st prize was an i-pod!!! i want!!. but its not meant to be mine :( ah..pfft..at the end of prom.. i went around to take pics wif friends and such. and went home in chit ming's dad's car. thx a lot man.

=30dec=
i woke up at nine thirty, and rushed to the mrt. and heng, i was only late for like 10min, for im supposed to meet my church friends at 10 at harbourfront( i live at hougang). but nvm, the rest of the day was cool. we went to take a bus to the entrance. the fee was like 3bucks!? so ex. can buy a plate of chicken rice already. and then we WALKED all the way 2 the beach!. and yea. on the way there kept on crapping and talking bout some monkey's red ass. and monitor lizards. lolx. 1 thing i found out...the tram ride is gone!!! wah lao...my fav ley...its like sentosa itself to me....but nvm, walkin is also quite fun. but the map is kns. tamade, not topograhical map. not accurate 1...shi bai....but we managed 2 walk our way to the beach. finally found a spot for shelter..and we played soccer. lolx, we accidentally kicked some sand onto other ppl's bags....when they returned from their swims, we could hear them screaming,' eeeek! why my towel got so much sand 1!??' lolx...then after soccer, they tried to carry me and dump me into the water..heng i managed to escape..whahahaa...then we built sandcastles...and made a power station....looks like 1 to me..haha. then 3 of them went 2 swim..lolx...screaming when the waves comes and acting like monkies. wheareas i sat on the beach for suntanning, long time nvr get sunburned. i like tt feeling man. so shiok! then it started to rain...to we went to a big canvas shelter, then we walked our way back to the entrace. i love walking. so fun. beats sitting in an aircon bus. well then, thats all, i wished i could post some pics, rather funny, hahah, but sadly, no scanner :( nvm, i shall get 1 myself! peace!
William Killed Himself on... | 7:53 PM |